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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746566">From Eros, with love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofwonder/pseuds/boxofwonder'>boxofwonder</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hades (Video Game 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A romance can be a god and two ghosts, Canon Compliant, Content warnings in end notes, Explicit Tender Touching, Fun with Game Mechanics, Hurt/Comfort, Intimacy, Kiss of Styx taken very literally, M/M, Mutual Unrequited Pining x3, Pining World Championships, Spoilers for Escape #1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:02:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofwonder/pseuds/boxofwonder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whether it be a forehead kiss or spoken words, it was no different from what Zagreus had intended to do: to carry messages from Achilles to Patroclus, from Patroclus to Achilles. He would work tirelessly so they could talk personally, reunite, and clear the air. But until then … this was the best he could do for them. “Then let me bring that message to him, Achilles. I told you I would carry your feelings to Patroclus.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Achilles/Patroclus/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/gifts">talonyth</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Dedicated to my best friend, who dragged me into this hell (huehuehue) by tirelessly punching Mr Dad in the face before we even got to do more than die weird deaths. That is true dedication right there and I love you.  </p>
<p>I've had this idea bouncing around in my mind since last year, and it's probably been done countless times by now, but as a wise person once said: holy shit, more cakes! Please enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I appreciate it, lad, I do, but it is simply …” Achilles trailed off, his struggle for worlds playing plainly on his face, grip on his lance tightening as he failed to find the proper ones.</p>
<p>Zagreus could see it – had looked at this man long enough to be able to read him, to see the tension. This was the mentor who had taught him to fight: not just to wield weapons, but to shape his heart into one worthy of carrying them, to be keen and determined enough to know where to aim them, tenacious enough to pull through, and foster kindness and mercy in his heart so he would not succumb to rage and bloodlust.  Weapons, Achilles had taught him, made not a warrior: it had always been the heart that did.</p>
<p>“Gestures,” Zagreus said softly, without thought. “Is that what you are lacking, when words fail you? The ability to … show your feelings differently.”</p>
<p>Achilles looked at him, face going slack, then warming with surprised gratitude. “I think that is just it, lad. When I think of everything I wish to say, I <em>should </em>say … when I try to pick out the right words, I hesitate. When I think of him, then all I can imagine is – ” He cut himself off, flustered.</p>
<p>It was an emotion Zagreus had never seen on Achilles, before stumbling into the hallowed greens of Elysium and meeting Patroclus. It was rather lovely, though. He wanted to see it more, in happier contexts: flustered for love, rather than the shame that held him back from reaching out to Patroclus.</p>
<p>“What is it that you think of?” Zagreus prompted, gently, an idea stirring in the back of his mind.</p>
<p>Achilles sighed with all the weariness of a man who had died a long, long time ago, and tilted his head in pensive contemplation. His hair tumbled, hiding half his face, but Zagreus could see just enough of that regal profile to see his struggle. He stood without speaking, giving Achilles time to find his courage.  </p>
<p>“To kiss his forehead, I think. That is what I wish I could do. It is what I used to, back when we – no. It is no matter, now. It is over and done with.”</p>
<p>Such finality, again. Zagreus would not accept it.</p>
<p>Whether it be a forehead kiss or spoken words, it was no different from what Zagreus had intended to do: to carry messages from Achilles to Patroclus, from Patroclus to Achilles. He would work tirelessly so they could talk personally, reunite, and clear the air. But until then … this was the best he could do for them. “Then let me bring that message to him, Achilles. I told you I would carry your feelings to him.” It warmed him to speak of it thus, to imagine bearing a purpose such as this: tending to a love that had refused to die even in death. It was one of the most magnificent things he could imagine, the kind of love betraying Aphrodite’s attentive touch upon it.</p>
<p>“I could not ask of you to –“ Achilles said, startled, lifting his face and halting as he saw Zagreus’ expression. Whatever he found made him ask, quite shyly: “You are certain?”</p>
<p>“More certain than I have ever been. Please,” he said, with feeling. “Let me help.”</p>
<p>Zagreus could see the very moment Achilles decided, the determination flashing those his blue eyes. Having seen the surface now, it only ever made Zagreus think of the sky, that colour.</p>
<p>Achilles’ movements were careful, leaving room for Zagreus to pull away, as he took a small step forward and closed the distance between them with care. Zagreus did not move a muscle – he stood, breathless, hoping to seem inviting and not like his heart was making a valid attempt of beating out of his chest. Being one of the few underworld beings with a beating heart was so very embarrassing.</p>
<p>Achilles‘ lips were dry against his forehead. Exactly two of his fingertips rested against Zagreus’ jaw, their touch cool and gentle. Zagreus kept his eyes closed, let his heart thunder away, and tried to commit this to memory so he could relay the message as faithfully as possible.</p>
<p>How well then, the doubted he could forget this moment. </p>
<p>Upon pulling away, Achilles seemed beyond flustered – thoroughly ruffled, though he knocked the butt of his spear lightly upon the ground and schooled his expression, and when he spoke, his voice was calm. “You give him this message now, lad.”</p>
<p>Zagreus’ tongue was heavy in his mouth. He nodded, just to buy himself a moment to find his voice. “Of course, Achilles. I told you I would.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three times he fell to various deaths Hypnos was cheerfully giving unhelpful advice about before Zagreus stumbled blindly into Elysium’s next chamber, soaked in blood, and noticed the peace of Patroclus’ dwelling. The memory of lips against his forehead rose, unbidden, and made his heart flutter.</p>
<p>He pulled at the singed hem of his robe with some chagrin, which of course only stained the burned cloth with more blood. Instead of making himself known yet, Zagreus ducked behind the pots fully intending to clean his hands in the clear waters that weren’t blood or out to burn him back into the House, and then he realised that the Lethe perhaps was not the most ideal river to come in contact with. He was fairly certain it only worked when ingested, but was he willing to risk it?</p>
<p>Frowning, he looked down at his blood-smeared hands. As long as his face was clean? He was fairly certain it was.</p>
<p>“Alright,” he told his warped reflection. “Here goes nothing.” Not quite the pep talk, but he straightened and went ahead shattering pots for luck (and to announce himself) – a strange energy washing over him as he did so. Briefly he thought he heard Aphrodite’s laughter by his ear, but it might just have been his imagination – only that when he looked down, his hands were clean. Even his tunic was in one piece, and Heartseeker looking as immaculate as it ever did.</p>
<p>Huh. That was neat.</p>
<p>“That’s support, then,” he muttered, and finally made his way over to Patroclus.</p>
<p>“You are looking … surprisingly better than you usually do, by the time you make it here,” Patroclus said for a greeting, and Zagreus took a moment to marvel at the way Patroclus met his gaze, that hint of warmth in his dark eyes. He might still be withdrawn, but not entirely apathetic anymore, and just that small change, the hint of hope there, it … truly was the most beautiful thing to behold in the depths of paradise itself. </p>
<p>“You’d better not get used to it,” Zagreus said, voice casual and not betraying his rather foolish thoughts.</p>
<p>“I have no intention of it,” Patroclus agreed. “You have come to lighten my eternal boredom for a brief moment of respite, then?”</p>
<p>“It is my hope I might,” Zagreus said, smiling despite himself. Carefully, he lowered Heartseeker, fingers aching from ceaseless firing, and enjoyed the quiet around. “I bear another message,” he said, relieved at not being utterly tongue-tied. </p>
<p>Patroclus inclined his head. “How lucky for me, as I have not quite overcome the fear of you bringing me tales of glorious exploits."</p>
<p>Zagreus chuckled. "I had hoped by now you know I'm not the type."</p>
<p>"It is the only reason I do not ignore you until you leave me be," Patroclus replied, filling Zagreus with warmth. That much was as good as any token of affection. "You would not believe how personally wounded King Theseus is by going ignored."</p>
<p>Zagreus masked a laugh as a cough. By the look of Patroclus, he did a rather poor job of it, and it delighted the man.</p>
<p>"Now, then.” Patroclus’ eyes practically gleamed with the satisfaction of mischief at cost of the prince, and Zagreus would have loosened his collar at how warm that look made him run … if he had one, that was. "I do believe there is a message you carry?"</p>
<p>Zagreus swallowed. "This one is … a gesture." </p>
<p>Patroclus’ brows rose, and suddenly Zagreus wished he could be dropped into a sea of Flame Wheels instead of having to spell it out – let alone cross the space between them and touch Patroclus, who seemed so … well, untouchable.</p>
<p>Why had he ever agreed to this?</p>
<p>"A gesture, then,” Patroclus said slowly, as if sensing Zagreus’ inner struggle and taking pity on him. “I hope it is nothing too terribly -" He cut off when Zagreus lost his nerve/found his bravery and knelt before Patroclus, forcing himself to hold Patroclus’ gaze.</p>
<p>Two fingertips to his jaw. The line of it was majestic, truly fit for a King, and Zagreus was rapidly losing his composure at <em>touching </em>that jawline. Patroclus’ skin was soft, and warmer than Achilles’. Zagreus was so distracted by it he misjudged the angle of the kiss, placing it more upon Patroclus’ brow than his forehead. </p>
<p>When he pulled away, breathless, he found the man before him with his eyes closed.</p>
<p>His lashes rested upon his cheeks, expression so unguarded and vulnerable, before he slowly opened his eyes, seeming dazed. "Ah," Patroclus breathed. "I see."</p>
<p>His soft gaze lifted to Zagreus, and all Zagreus could think was how this look was meant for Achilles, and how lucky he was indeed.</p>
<p>What longing. What love, despite it all. Zagreus could not fathom an eternity with those two kept apart, he would not allow it.</p>
<p>Patroclus seemed to steady himself. "May I relay a message as well, then?" </p>
<p>Instinct told Zagreus he should decline, but how could he, when his father was dead set on keeping those two apart, when they deserved the world, when the small touch had put an expression like this on the face of Patroclus?</p>
<p>So all he said was: "Of course."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All five fingers he fitted to Achilles biceps, fumbling as he tried getting it just right: because Patroclus had not gripped it. The way his hand had curled around Zagreus arm had been gentle, but assured. A touch meant to steady rather than hold.</p>
<p>Zagreus hoped for the best, and he tried not to wonder what it was that Achilles’ hair smelled of, fresh and green like surface. He held his breath instead as he pressed his lips to Achilles temple, this time getting the aim just right.</p>
<p>He lingered the exact moment Patroclus had, wondering if the man's heart had thundered quite as much, and then pulled back.</p>
<p>Achilles exhaled a shivering breath, in his case more habit than need, and his hand lifted as Zagreus unfurled his fingers and withdrew them, hesitant as had Patroclus been.</p>
<p>That, at least, came quite naturally to Zagreus. He was a real pro at that one.  </p>
<p>“I have to admit,” Achilles breathed, eyes still closed, lips parted slightly as he took a breath. “I had … not expected such a reply.” His eyes opened, at last, and met Zagreus gaze, who reminded himself this expression was not for him, but another: the man he was messenger to. </p>
<p>“You should,” Zagreus breathed, caught up in the mood of it all. “He loves you, and you love him. I won’t let death keep you apart - nor yourself.”</p>
<p>“You have grown wise indeed, lad,” Achilles said, voice as soft as his gaze. His calloused hand found Zagreus’, slender intertwining with his, to raise Zagreus’ hand to his lips. “I could not be prouder of the man you have become, despite the trials you face. Because of them, too.”</p>
<p>And he breathed a kiss to the back of Zagreus’ hand. “That -” <em>That means the world to me</em>, he meant to say, but just then Achilles turned his hand, and carefully unfurled Zagreus’ fingers, and his breath brushed his palm before his lips did, and Zagreus’ words failed him. </p>
<p>Every last one of them.</p>
<p>When he found his tongue, he spoke without thought: “I have been a man for a long time.” </p>
<p>He did not know why he said it. Why that was what he thought important to relay to Achilles, at the brush of his lips against his palm. Not even with Meg had she ever shown a gesture like that - they had been gentle with each other, too. But this … this was. </p>
<p>A message. This was not for him - he was merely the messenger. </p>
<p>Zagreus forced himself to breathe. </p>
<p>“Of course you have been,” Achilles said, slowly letting go of his hand, pulling away. He tugged the bracer on his hand into place, taking great care to adjust it. “But you cannot deny your struggles, like pressure makes a diamond, have sharpened you. Worn away what dulled your potential, to let shine your true soul and strength.” </p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Zagreus said, because his body was a mess of emotion, of longing, of confusion. He could not wait to pick up a blade and toss himself into nothing but the desperate struggle to the surface. "I will … deliver your message faithfully."</p>
<p>"That I have no doubt of," Achilles said, after a beat of silence. "Take care out there."</p>
<p>"You know I always do."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zagreus died to a trap in Tartarus itself, and he could only pray Hypnos would not carry word of <em>that </em>to Achilles.</p>
<p>Even when he finally made it to Elysium, he only had the pleasure of making the mega butterfly's acquaintance again, which he would certainly not relay any messages except Varatha’s wrath.</p>
<p>When he finally stumbled into that familiar chamber again, he sagged with relief. And perhaps, loss of blood as well.  </p>
<p>His fall shattered a pot, or mayhap two. Zagreus decided he could go tell Patroclus hi in a second and lay down sideways, letting go of Varatha. It had been a gruelling run and he swore he could still feel the butterflies sucking at his very soul and anything else precious he'd prefer to keep inside himself. </p>
<p>"No need for such swooning, stranger, though I reckon I am flattered."</p>
<p>Zagreus blinked, finding Patroclus beautiful locks tumbling down towards him as the man bent over him. <em>You look beautiful enough to swoon, </em>he thought, and was smart enough to say instead: "I daresay these butterflies were a little too clingy."</p>
<p>"You look terrible," Patroclus deadpanned, but his fingers were gentle as they brushed Zagreus hair from his face, paying no heed to the appalling state of it. "It would not do, letting the favourite of my beloved die on my doorstep."</p>
<p>"I am only resting," Zagreus sighed from his place on the ground. "I'll be good as new and facing Asterius and what’s-his-face in no ti—”</p>
<p>His head was lifted, and Zagreus found himself quite suddenly with his head cushioned in Patroclus’ lap. That was preferable to the ground for sure. “I see who your mentor was alright,” Patroclus sighed, and Zagreus could not quite decipher the emotion on his face, but it was not a happy one in the slightest. “I hoped your pride would not be an issue.”</p>
<p>“It’s not pride,” Zagreus said, closing his eyes at the comfort. When had he last been this close to anyone, so … sheltered? His incessant escape attempts left no time to dally, and had burnt too many bridges to boot. “It is only by the grace of so many that I even made it here. I cannot falter. It would be an insult to them.”</p>
<p>“If you leave here as you are, the next <em>breath</em> your direction shall send you back to the depths of hell.”</p>
<p>Zagreus wished he could deny it. He sighed and opened his eyes, startled when Patroclus leaned down and brushed a kiss against his cheek, angled in such a way his lips – by accident, no doubt – brushed against the corner of Zagreus’ own. It was electrifying, clearing Zagreus’ mind, washing through him like a blast of healing. “Wha -” he began, dumbly, and tried to catch his breath, find his voice, his <em>words. </em>“A message … ?”</p>
<p>Patroclus huffed. “That one was just for you.” </p>
<p>Zagreus’ mouth opened, but no sound came out. Patroclus gave him a tired look. “A kiss of Styx, you fool.”</p>
<p>“Oh … oh!” Right. That … right! “That explains the general feeling.”</p>
<p>Patroclus favoured him with a frown that was betrayed by the softness in his eyes. “That it ought.” He began to speak again, but cut himself off, closed his eyes briefly to take a breath, and spoke words Zagreus assumed he deemed safer. “Now … that should carry you further. Mayhap even out of here, to never look back.”</p>
<p>Right. To never look back. Another reason why Zagreus would never lie down, never sit down, never hesitate. If he stopped for a second in his endless toil, the thoughts came crawling up on him: his mother, or everything he had ever known?</p>
<p>Despite its cruelty, he had made his choice, and now he could not hesitate nor falter. There was no room for doubt. He could not settle for a life with every question unanswered. He could not live this way.</p>
<p>“I have a message for you still,” he said softly. “And I shall take another, in case … well.”</p>
<p>"In case you're determined to interrupt my peaceful withering in the very bowels of paradise, over and over."</p>
<p>"Don't try to tell me you do not like it," Zagreus said, gazing up at Patroclus. A jolt went through him as their eyes met, worse than Zeus' wrath, or at the very least as powerful. He swallowed, hard, and took Patroclus hand, holding his gaze as he brushed a lingering, adoring kiss to it. Just as Achilles had.</p>
<p>"You are quite the nuisance," Patroclus said, as if he were bestowing a pet name into Zagreus, and he leaned down and kissed his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Delivering - and placing that kind of kiss properly - to Achilles was an unexpected challenge. The jolt of it was no less, as Zagreus closed his eyes with nerves, misjudged, and had their mouths brush a little too much. And by a little he meant a lot.</p>
<p>Zagreus’ lips tingled as if he had been kissed full-on. It was quite the ridiculous display.</p>
<p>The only thing making it worth it was Achilles dazed smile, pupils blown and gaze soft and faraway. "This was … him?"</p>
<p>"As I stand here before you, I vow it." Zagreus bit his lip. "I must admit though, I think he had intended it, uh, with a modicum more cheek and less lip, if you catch my drift. I misjudged the angle for sure."</p>
<p>Achilles chuckled. "No messenger is perfect. You already … you are already giving me such a gift, allowing me to reach out to him again, lad." </p>
<p>Zagreus could not help but wonder how that could ever be enough, though. "Even if it is just an echo?"</p>
<p>"That is much more than I had dared to hope for, and truth to be told, than I deserve." Always he spoke that way. Zagreus could not help but shake his head.</p>
<p>"It is the least you deserve, my friend. You deserve to speak to him - to put to rest every doubt. Everything misunderstood standing between the both of you. You deserve more than …" <em>Me. </em>"... than what I can give."</p>
<p>"No, Zagreus," Achilles said, and his name spoken in that soft voice went through him more even than Achilles taking Zagreus' hand and squeezing. "Do not belittle what you grant us - what you grant me. Even as you struggle to leave this place behind, you work tirelessly to leave it better than you found it. Your strength is only rivalled by the kindness of your heart."</p>
<p>"That is too much," Zagreus said, voice weak. </p>
<p>"It is the least you deserve," Achilles echoed, smile pleased and touched by mischief. "And I will not tire of reminding you." He lifted his hand, touching two fingers to Zagreus brow.</p>
<p>Exhaling a shivering breath, Zagreus leaned into the soft touch, remembering too late to even attempt and play it cool. He leaned closer, and as he looked up at Achilles face, he wondered if Achilles had leaned in as well - he was so close. Close enough to -</p>
<p>"Lad," Achilles breathed, and Zagreus could feel it - the breath of speaking against his own lips. He held his own breath, struggling to keep his eyes open as Achilles' fingers followed his brow. In all honesty, the touch made Zagreus want to melt. Fall to the ground to press his face against Achilles knees, and rest, rest for a while at his feet. "How … how far are you willing to take these messages? Would you be comfortable with… -" He trailed off, and Zagreus burned.</p>
<p>He burned alive and even though guilt ate him up for knowing he would say anything in that moment that would make Achilles lean in and kiss him, he told himself this was a message he could take. A kindness he could extend to two struggling souls. And that made him say: "I told you." His voice was low, a secret between them. He was suddenly very aware where they stood, in a hallway anyone could pass by, out in the open. "I shall faithfully convey all you wish me to. Would make Cousin Hermes prou-"</p>
<p>And Achilles' lips brushed against his, their touch so cool for something that set his skin ablaze. Achilles’ kind, steady hand settled at his neck, and it was so <em>gentle, </em>much like the kiss, which was but a soft, chaste touch - but Zagreus hands flew up, gripping Achilles cape to steady himself. To hold onto something real. To make certain he would not lose himself in all this. </p>
<p>When Achilles pulled away, he touched their foreheads together briefly. "Thank you, lad. Thank you </p>
<p>.. Zagreus."</p>
<p>So breathy. So affected. Zagreus took a deep breath, wishing he had not a thunderous heart that betrayed him so. Gathering himself, desperately, before he could even speak.</p>
<p>"Nothing for, old friend. Not ever."</p>
<p>After his farewell, he looked no one in the eye. He donned Malphon, and hauled himself out among the wretches of Tartarus, drowning all thoughts and feelings in the endless motions of survival.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Zagreus … a moment?”</p>
<p>Not many things managed to startle Zagreus these days, but the soft voice from the most unexpected corner did. “Orpheus? What are you doing back here?” he asked, casting a furtive gaze about. “But also: of course. Anytime, mate.”</p>
<p>Orpheus nodded, stepping closer. He wrung his hands together, seeming nervous, but determined. “Please, do not take this the wrong way … but for the longest time, I have had an understanding with Achilles.”</p>
<p>Oh. Zagreus had … an idea, now, where this was going. He felt something he did not often as well: embarrassment. “That is -”</p>
<p>“An understanding of a love that cannot be diminished by death,” Orpheus continued, holding Zagreus’ eyes, gaze intense. “A love that holds our hearts captive, and shall never set them free - for better or for worse. A love that leaves no room for …”</p>
<p>“For another,” Zagreus finished, finding his voice weaker than he wished it would be. “I am … very much aware of that, Orpheus.”</p>
<p>“Are you?” Orpheus asked, eyes soft with pity. “Because I saw it - the way you kissed him.”</p>
<p>“It was nothing of the like!” Zagreus lifted his hands, as if they could serve as Aegis itself, to guard from those accusations. “I am not - this is not what it seemed to be, Orpheus, I can assure you of that. I am … taking messages. From Achilles to Patroclus, and back. I am very much aware it is …” </p>
<p>“Messages,” Orpheus repeated, brows furrowed. “How … curious.”</p>
<p>For a second, Zagreus was worried Orpheus would ask the same to be carried to Eurydice, and Zagreus had the vivid imagination of being hauled bodily from her cozy home into the lava itself. He could not imagine a universe in which that would turn out alright. </p>
<p>“Zagreus,” Orpheus said, his ghostly pale fingers touching Zagreus’ wrist in a gesture so unexpected Zagreus froze. “You are no marble statue to be touched and remain stone. Do be careful. For your sake … and for that of Achilles.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Zagreus breathed, shame a burning pit inside him. Orpheus had noticed - no doubt others would. And Father … Achilles was in enough trouble as it was. Yet, pulling away from this … denying them that connection … Zagreus could not do it.</p>
<p>He simply … would have to be more careful, indeed. “I promise I shall be. No harm will come to Achilles.”</p>
<p>By the look of Orpheus he had very much noticed Zagreus not saying anything about the state of his own heart. But there was nothing to worry about - he was but a messenger. And he was leaving this place, anyways. What harm was there, in making sure these two souls would be reunited, as their ashes were mingled in death?</p>
<p>Orpheus simply nodded. “Thank you for that,” he said, and returned to the Main Hall, tread light and posture ever so slightly hunched. </p>
<p>Zagreus leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, but he did not remain still long. There was a another weapon to pick up, there was a path to fight all through Elysium in hopes to find the man he sought, and beyond: beyond was his mother. </p>
<p>His hopes. </p>
<p>His future.</p>
<p>And answers, at last.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Spinning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which 'lowkey' is Zagreus' second name. If only everyone else could see that, too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you guys so much for the warmth with which you greeted my messy little cake! (Much like cake, I cannot get enough of this metaphor).<br/>My timeline doesn't check out completely here btw, but let's all ignore that for the truly important part: the <i>pining</i>.</p>
<p>And on a more sappy and personal note: this one's for every poly person who's ever felt guilty for how they feel. I see you and your big heart that has room for so many. You're perfect as you are, and don't you forget it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Relief and nerves alike twisted inside Zagreus, fighting for the upper hand as he put his palm to the door to open it.</p>
<p>Patroclus, at last. His heartrending words stopped as Zagreus approached, and he tilted his head up instead. “That look upon your face.” Patroclus’ gaze was scrutinising as he took Zagreus in. “So pensive, it would suit me better.”</p>
<p>Zagreus tried to smile, but <em>nerves </em>were absolutely winning the battle inside him right now.  Seeing Patroclus again made him remember all Orpheus had said to him; and it made him remember the kiss he ought to deliver. And most dangerous of all, it made him want to spill his heart.</p>
<p>It made him want to tell Patroclus of the nature of his quest, of his desperate hopes to find his mother. It made him want to tell him of his treacherous heart.</p>
<p>
  <em>I am so sorry I betray you with how I cannot seem to detach myself. With the way I look at you, and the way I look at him. Betraying you both in the same breath, when there is nothing I want less. </em>
</p>
<p>But he could not admit to it. For all Zagreus knew he might just calm down still, get himself under control. Snap out of whatever spell had been cast upon him that he found himself in the thralls of.</p>
<p>Step one: make certain Patroclus would not worry. Step two: deliver the message without a hitch. Step 1.5, actually: make sure Patroclus would even be <em>comfortable </em>with that.</p>
<p>“It has just been a, let’s say, exhausting trip here,” Zagreus said with a wry chuckle.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it always? I have things to share with you to ease your burdens, though.” A smile played over his lips, and Zagreus was mayhap more taken in by them than he should be. “And perhaps you have the same for me?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely I do.” Zagreus took a deep breath. “But first, I must … ask a question.”</p>
<p>Searching eyes scanned his face, darkening at the expression they found. Patroclus huffed. “Not a good question, then. Do go on. Let us get this over with.”</p>
<p>“No, no! It is nothing of the kind.”  Zagreus shifted his weight from one foot to the next. “… I hope.” He leaned Varatha against a pillar, and then he ran out of excuses and especially time to find the right words. “The message I carry, it … is rather personal. So much so Achilles asked me whether I would be comfortable receiving it. In turn I feel it is important I ask of you … how you feel about receiving … a kiss.”</p>
<p>“As opposed to what we have been doing before?” Patroclus asked, gently mocking, but taking a step closer. He reached out, touching two fingertips to Zagreus’ cheek, and gave him that small smile of his, so forlorn and yet so beautiful. “Thank you for asking. I would … very much like to, as long as you are fine with it.” </p>
<p>“I am,” Zagreus said, licking his lips. Breathless with anticipation. Patroclus’ lips were fuller, would feel different, and he yearned to know just how much. It was a thought he allowed, if only because it was hidden in the darkness of his own mind. “Here goes nothing, then.” </p>
<p>And he copied it: that chaste kiss. All its kindness and its longing, he tried to convey, even when the feeling of Patroclus’ lips made it hard to remain steady on his feet. Even when his mind clouded over, even as the fire in him burned and <em>burned. </em></p>
<p>“Ah,” Patroclus breathed, when Zagreus pulled away. Then something in his face shifted, and one corner of his mouth quirked up. His eyes opened, holding Zagreus’ gaze, sparking with light.  “‘Well, here goes nothing’? You are truly committed to relieving my boredom here, stranger.”</p>
<p>Zagreus spluttered, momentarily lacking a witty reply, which was an occasion his father would throw the first party in Tartarus history for if he had witnessed it. Blood and darkness, he was but a … god, faced with a sight so beautiful <em>and </em>the absolute embarrassment of kissing the love of his mentor’s life <em>and </em>death! </p>
<p>“That is a way better look on you,” Patroclus said with some satisfaction. “But … whatever it was that made you look quite like you did when you stumbled in here. You just remember I am right here, with an eternity to listen to you, yes?” </p>
<p>Zagreus chuckled weakly, as if those words did not make him want to fall at Patroclus’ feet and stay here, at least for a while. To think things through, mayhap, but when had he ever been good at standing still when everything he knew rearranged itself? </p>
<p>Zagreus was growing tired, of his world upturning. He’d had quite enough of that particular experience and wished for no more surprises or secrets for the rest of his eternal life, which he knew was impossible, and thus resented. </p>
<p>“Thank you, sir. It is … very much appreciated.” </p>
<p>Patroclus looked at him, his dark eyes knowing. That bottomless well of sadness in him, Zagreus felt like it was the reason he did not push right now. Tender hearts, after all, knew not to put too much pressure on another. “Now you give him this,” Patroclus said, instead.</p>
<p>And he kissed him. It was longer this time: the press of his lips determined, almost defiant. But there was an undercurrent of sweetness there, too, of comfort. One palm settled against Zagreus’ neck, the other slid into his hair. Patroclus’ thumb brushed a strand from his temple, and with one last tilt of his head, he pulled away. </p>
<p>Zagreus had no recollection of the words he spoke on his way out.</p>
<p>He promised himself it was all so he could be more true to life, as a messenger, knew it for the lie it was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thing about being careful was this: Achilles stood rather prominently in a hall harbouring an endless row of shades trying to appeal to Zagreus’ father, aforementioned father, and a couple more gods, entities, and various servants to the house. </p>
<p>Sure he could walk up to Achilles and deliver Patroclus’ kiss. If he really wanted word to get out to <em>everyone</em> that he would be kissing a man who was spoken for, even if it was in the service of exactly the one he was spoken for. </p>
<p>Inviting Achilles somewhere private seemed even worse: it would most definitely make things feel a lot heavier than they ought to be. </p>
<p>So maybe – Zagreus had to admit eight chambers in and deep in the guts of Tartarus wretches – he was postponing that particular talk while he mulled over a solution. Upon his first return Achilles had not been in the hall, but just now? He really could have said something. </p>
<p>Just. Zagreus truly did not know how to be careful yet. </p>
<p>Although … maybe he did.</p>
<p>A laser beam hit him before he could think that thought to its embarrassing conclusion.</p>
<p>“Don’t be <em>rude</em>.” Zagreus punched a Brimstone into the wall until it fell apart. He had problems to solve here! </p>
<p>But, yeah. Thought brought to its inevitable conclusion and all: he was really about to do this, huh? Meg could never know. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what’s lucky about me being dead as long as I’ve been?” Eurydice asked, ladling a generous heap into his bowl. “Well, for you anyways.”</p>
<p>Zagreus tore his greedy gaze from the goodness bubbling in her pot. <em>And </em>currently being served. To <em>him.</em> Eurydice’s pom porridge was hands down the best thing Asphodel, and possibly all of the underworld, had to offer.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Eloquent. </p>
<p>One corner of Eurydice’s mouth quirked up, clearly taking his distraction as the compliment it was. “Your luck is, I no longer oversalt my soup when I’m in love, hon.”</p>
<p>Zagreus stared at her, blinking. "I'm not - it's been a long time since - things are different now." Meg and him were better off as friends. Frenemies? Reluctant allies, he settled on with great optimism. Point being, he got to keep her in his life, and by the circumstances, they were doing pretty fine. </p>
<p>Eurydice scoffed. "Then what's got you all moony-eyed and distracted? Who's got you wrapped around their little finger?"</p>
<p>"No one," Zagreus said truthfully. Only then he thought of Achilles' fingertips against his face, how different they felt from Patroclus', and how both their hands were beautiful and made him shiver in their own way, and he flushed.</p>
<p>Eurydice saw and closed in on him like Artemis' seeking arrow, merciless. "You can't fool me!" She laughed to herself, dark and lovely enough to be worth the humiliation. "Gods know it's nice to see some good news, from time to time. Love blooming in the underworld? I wanna hear everything!"</p>
<p>“Th-there is nothing of the like -” he began, knowing already he had given himself away. But there was nothing, and he so desperately needed it to be true. If there was anything to see - anything Eurydice could deduce by a single glimpse - who was to say no one else would see?</p>
<p>Who was to say Patroclus and Achilles would not, each in their own way, see his feelings? He imagined their horrified faces. And their pity, for surely they would not blame him. </p>
<p>The shame of that burned so bright that whatever Eurydice saw made her falter. “Ah,” she said. “I see.” Resolutely, she ladled an extra helping into his bowl and thrust it at him. “I know a thing or two about that kind of heartbreak. Let’s just eat, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Zagreus said quietly, folding his hands around the warm bowl. There was such a warmth in this place, such comfort. But right now, all he could think of was … “They can’t ever know.”</p>
<p>“They? Oh, hon. You don’t do anything halfway, do you?” Eurydice reached out, flicking a finger against his forehead. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it now. I guarantee not everyone is perceptive like me. I doubt anyone else will notice.”</p>
<p>That, at least, relieved him some. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, not for that.” Eurydice shook her head. “Really says a lot about this place, the things you mistake for kindness.”</p>
<p>Zagreus settled cross-legged onto his favourite cushion, sipping at the bowl. Noticing his mood, Eurydice simply went back to letting her gorgeous voice ring, her honeyed tones washing over him, soothing his raw heart.</p>
<p>He let himself linger longer than usual, in this in-between space in Asphodel. </p>
<p>Eurydice kindly did not comment on it.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So maybe he had been, very slightly, possibly, full-out avoiding Achilles. It wasn’t that hard to slip unnoticed back to the chambers, simply grip a weapon, and go again. At least twice Achilles had not even been there in the halls, and during the four times Zagreus had tossed himself into the fray, he had not found Patroclus again either. </p>
<p>It was almost saddening what a relief that had been. But how could Zagreus risk facing him, or Achilles? After what Eurydice had seen in him … after what he must have been carrying on his sleeve like that. A betraying glow from deep within, promising this would not simply go away, poof into thin air, disappear.</p>
<p>While Zagreus dared not name what he was feeling, already others could <em>see.</em></p>
<p>He startled, badly, when Achilles touched his wrist and breathed: “Lad,” while Zagreus was maybe-totally-not hiding in the lounge. </p>
<p>“Achilles!” he greeted, too loud and too tense. “Didn’t hear you there -”</p>
<p>Achilles looked .. resigned. “Your strengths do not lie in theatre, I am afraid.” He sighed. “It is quite alright. His response was not favourable, was it? I should have known and never put you into that awkward position …”</p>
<p>Zagreus’ heart ached as he realised Achilles had spent all this time thinking himself rejected, of all things. “That is not -” He would have kissed him on the spot, if he could have, in plain view. But before he had proven himself weak to his fear, Zagreus had found a solution. “Come with me, sir?”</p>
<p>Achilles’ blue eyes lit up with careful hope. “Of course.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The implications … were not ideal. </p>
<p>The place itself, of course, was. Quiet enough to be ideal for a kiss, hidden enough to be ideal to sneak around, and there was only one other person who knew where to duck and disappear into to find this little nook in the house. </p>
<p>Well, two, but … Than had not been here with him since they had been very, very small.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Achilles said softly as he followed Zagreus and found himself in the small space. Lights played along one wall, dappled it in blues and greens, and when he shifted, painted Achilles’ awed face. “I should know not to underestimate the prince who grew up here.”</p>
<p>“A little bit of privacy,” Zagreus said, a little embarrassed. “And I am … sorry. For making you worry. In truth, I was worried about trying to be more careful … perhaps not to be so overt as to bring the messages in plain view of what amounts to basically anyone.”</p>
<p>“Good thinking there, lad,” Achilles acknowledged. His tongue darted out, wetting his lips, and Zagreus’ gaze dropped to the movement as if hypnotised. Achilles absolutely noticed it, too. “So Patroclus, he …” Achilles began, words failing him.</p>
<p>Zagreus did not even bother with them.</p>
<p>He kissed Achilles as Patroclus had: defiant and determined and full of love begging for an outlet for so, so long. Achilles gasped against his lips at the intensity of it, hands finding Zagreus’ hips without thought to steady himself. His grip was strong and certain in ways Zagreus did not feel, and thus, was grateful to have seared into his skin, and it made Zagreus kiss him a little bit harder than Patroclus had intended, and quite a few heartbeats too long.</p>
<p>He felt bad for it, especially because the sound Achilles had made at that was very - rather a lot. But in the end, Zagreus could only do his best. </p>
<p>He pulled away in a daze, finding Achilles’ expression just as dreamy. As if he had drunk Ambrosia itself, he looked, and one strand of his hair had come loose from his circlet. Zagreus reached up without thought, tucking it behind his ear - it just seemed so normal by now, to touch Achilles that way. </p>
<p>“Oh,” breathed his mentor, who had taught him everything of weapons and perseverance and the meaning of strength, and Zagreus could not bring himself to say this had been all him, not Patroclus. How could he even begin to explain? </p>
<p>“Do not doubt what he feels for you,” Zagreus breathed, trying to salvage his failing message, and ignored the way his lips tasted of Achilles, and how badly he wanted to kiss him again to figure out what exactly that taste was. “Through all of time and all you faced -” </p>
<p>He never got to finish, for Achilles’ cupped his face with feverish despair, tilted his head, and kissed him again. </p>
<p>Each time more intense than the last. </p>
<p>When Achilles pulled away, he seemed put together enough, which was nothing Zagreus could say for himself. “I shall … tell him,” he said lamely, not a single braincell even pretending to work in his head. “Perhaps you should go ahead, and I will follow?” he suggested, just to buy himself time to let loose what was boiling inside him. Maybe a few braincells were hard at work here.</p>
<p>“Good thinking again,” Achilles said, breathless. “And … thank you. I cannot … thank you enough.”</p>
<p>And he ducked away. </p>
<p>Zagreus leaned his back into the wall and slid down to the ground. He’d thought there’d be pent up energy in him begging to be released, and he would later, when he would begin to fight his way to Patroclus, to his mother.</p>
<p>But for now … for now. </p>
<p>For now, he only touched his fingers to his lips and tried to remember how to breathe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what this’ll cost ya.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” Meg waved her sisters off with all the casualty of planning a nice picnic where she’d roast poms over the rivers of Asphodel.</p>
<p>Zagreus lay bound on the arena floor and did not share her mood. “Don’t wanna interrupt your nice chat, but -”</p>
<p>Alecto cackled. “Y’know, I shoulda done this for free! But this is better, win-win, but both winners? Are me!” Oh, charming as ever. “Have fun!”</p>
<p>“Murderzer!” Tisiphone added, and Zagreus could only agree. </p>
<p>“Just be quiet,” Meg growled at Zagreus in her usual charming bedside manner, and waited until her sisters had disappeared. “So Since you have been avoiding me. What is going on with you?”</p>
<p>Zagreus blinked up at her. “I come in. We exchange blows. If it ends in my favour, I keep ransacking my father’s realm on my way to the surface. If it doesn’t, I’m back to personally annoy my father and try again.” He paused. “I wasn’t avoiding you.”</p>
<p>He was avoiding <em>Achilles. </em>Maybe Meg a little bit? Anyone who knew him a little too well, really. Which was … everyone in the house, where he had spent all of his immortal life so far.</p>
<p>“Yes you were. And now you can’t. So.” Meg rubbed her temples. “I know you had your big pathetic puppy crush on the man ages ago, but Achilles? Really?”</p>
<p>Blood and darkness. “Look, it’s -” he began, but Meg stomped her foot down, and that made him shut his mouth so fast his jaw clicked. </p>
<p>“I’m not here for your tired excuses. I’m not the one getting mixed up in something stupid and disastrous like this!”</p>
<p><em>Disastrous. </em>That word struck him too close to home with all the messy fears he harboured. “Look, I’m not getting mixed up in anything here -”</p>
<p>“You think I never heard the moon-eyed soldier in Elysium mutter of Achilles? You think nobody knows Achilles’ heart is taken?” Megaera’s eyes were shining with furious concern, and she stepped closer, crouching to be eye level with him. “Why do you insist on throwing yourself into things that will hurt you, over and over? You moron.”</p>
<p>“Almost hurt yourself there before you tacked on the insult, huh,” Zagreus said, but it was tired, and Meg’s intensity made his skin crawl. It was hard to keep something lowkey when everyone was on his case about it, and with this much … fervour. “Look, I appreciate your concern … I appreciate you, for that matter. But I promise I’m being careful.”</p>
<p>Meg’s gaze had softened at his affection, and then flashed with unadulterated annoyance. “You took him to the spot we used to sneak to make out.”</p>
<p>Zagreus was devastatingly certain he was flushing down to his collar. “It wasn’t like -”</p>
<p>“So you did not make out with Achilles?” Meg demanded. </p>
<p>He thought of the kiss beneath the canopy. It had just been a chaste little kiss! “Well - I, that -”</p>
<p>“By Nyx, Zag,” Meg groaned, concern taking over her outrage. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>He hung his head, surrendering all pretense and excuses. “I do not know, Meg. Genuinely. I don’t think I know anymore.”</p>
<p>She softened - as much as Meg would ever, but Zagreus had known her long enough to see it. “I mean, I’ve always known you were a fool. But this …”</p>
<p>“I know,” he said again, defeated. “I know what it must look like. What it must seem like. But I promise … I am taking care. This won’t hurt me.”</p>
<p>“You know, Zag,” Meg mumbled, loosening the binds on him. “I really wish I could believe you.”</p>
<p>And quietly, he said: “Me, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I would be flattered,” Patroclus called as a greeting, peering at Zagreus as he approached. “But your fervour has never changed since I’ve known you. I know it is not me you seek.”</p>
<p>More and more, it had become him. But Zagreus felt too wound up by the message he carried to say so bold and outright, and besides: in the end, it was his mother he sought.</p>
<p>Always.</p>
<p>And today … there was a taste of something close to victory on his tongue. </p>
<p>Everything about this particular attempt felt different. Charged. Like this was <em>it, </em>truly.</p>
<p>Mayhap that was why Zagreus breathed: “My mother.”</p>
<p>Patroclus brows raised in quiet question, his silence an invitation to go on. And Zagreus … he did. “It is my mother I seek. My true mother. You cannot let anyone know - but she is out there, and I …”</p>
<p>“You have to see her,” Patroclus said, nodding. “That explains rather a lot.”</p>
<p>“I do fervently wish I shall see you each time I step into Elysium though,” Zagreus added, because apparently he was on a truth roll over here consequences be damned.</p>
<p>Patroclus, if anything, seemed pleased. But the serious and contemplating look in his eyes never changed as he kept his gaze on Zagreus. "That is why you never sit still. Not unless dead on your feet waiting for a dead man's kiss to revive you."</p>
<p><em>I just don’t get tired. I just don’t see the point in rest.</em> Zagreus had given this joking answer many a time, the words a reflex as smooth as his handle on the Infernal Arms. But something about Patroclus’ expression made him bite down on it, consider for a moment, and then say slowly: "I am … afraid of sitting down. Being idle."</p>
<p>It was a ridiculous thing to say. Fear was for the weak, and which fear could be weaker than this?</p>
<p>"Torn between your mother up there, and the rest of your family down here," Patroclus said, in solemn understanding. "I do not envy you, Zagreus. Thank you all the more then, for trusting me enough to share this with me."</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>"Well … it is the least I could do. You open up to me as well - it is a kindness I do not take for granted.”</p>
<p>“Kindness,” Patroclus repeated, brow raised. “Is that how you see a dead man’s endless lamenting?”</p>
<p>“It is what I consider when my friends,” and he put a lot of weight onto the word, holding Patroclus’ gaze to show just how important he was to Zagreus, “Include me in the mechanics of their hearts.”</p>
<p>Patroclus gave a little huff, looking away, but Zagreus knew he had struck a chord. “You are quite something, stranger. You are quite something indeed.” </p>
<p>The words made his stomach feel like the first dash after Hermes’ blessing: so fast his whole existence swooped until he got used to it. Though frankly he had the sinking suspicion he would never get used to Patroclus’ appreciation of him. “I am simply me.”</p>
<p>“Which does not undermine, but prove my point.”</p>
<p>Zagreus looked at him then, and it felt like the perfect moment to bestow Achilles’ message. With the same fervour Achilles had shown, Zagreus took Patroclus’ face in his and kissed him, hard and longing. </p>
<p>Patroclus gasped, the softest sound, like a secret.  He reached up, hands covering Zagreus’ own, palms bigger than his own and so reassuring in the way they covered him, protective and tender. Treating him like something precious, something rare. Treating him like he was vulnerable.</p>
<p>Maybe he was. </p>
<p>Right now, with his heart put on display and his lips on Patroclus’, he felt as mortal as he had ever felt. Raw and exposed like the underbelly of a fish, just waiting for the knife to cut. But here Patroclus was, and his very touch promised: <em>nothing will hurt you. I won’t let it.</em> </p>
<p>“You know, stranger,” Patroclus said after they broke apart, voice odd and darker than it usually was. “I will miss you quite a lot, when you finally make it to your mother.”</p>
<p>And Zagreus opened his eyes, slowly, but it did not shield him from the sight of Patroclus: this glorious man Achilles had fallen for so thoroughly, and how could Zagreus begrudge him that? </p>
<p>Patroclus was beautiful. Not seeing him again would only be another hole more that would be ripped into the fabric of his heart, when he made his final escape. It felt so distant, the idea of leaving, and yet the inevitability of it at least made it easier to cope with the magnitude of the feeling inside of him as he gazed upon Patroclus. “The same goes for me, sir,” he managed to say, when all he wished was to fold his arms around Patroclus and pull him close, or press himself against his chest, whichever Patroclus would prefer. </p>
<p>(Which was of course, neither, for Zagreus was but a <em>messenger</em>.)</p>
<p>“But just in case, Zagreus,” he said, going on with no idea just what he was doing to Zagreus. “Take another message, will you?”</p>
<p>And his kiss was so sweet. </p>
<p>It felt like a blessing. </p>
<p>It felt like goodbye. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mayhap it was that kiss that gave him wings. </p>
<p>Mayhap Aphrodite had simply rubbed off on him. </p>
<p>Zagreus danced around Theseus and Asterius feeling, for the first time, like a true God. There was no death to be defied. He brought them to their knees no worse for wear. </p>
<p>Zagreus went on to the tunnels, moving fast, assured, knowing where to set each step, as if guided by Hermes, sure-footed and swift. </p>
<p>Attacks bounced harmlessly off Athena’s shields and harmed the enemies trying to hurt him with them. </p>
<p>Every single arrow of Artemis hit true. </p>
<p>His thoughts were cleared of his worries, of fear.</p>
<p>It was a daze - he felt invincible. He brought the sack to Cerberus and barely felt the softness of that red pelt as he rubbed his boy’s nose(s) and saw him off. </p>
<p>Somewhere deep inside him thrummed the knowledge that he would win. This time, he would make it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t get ahead of yourself. Breathe. Do not get cocky. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He brought his father to his knees. </p>
<p>He followed the path as it had been described, until he came to the lushest green he had ever beheld. </p>
<p>He saw a woman with eyes as green as his own. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>He did not fall down at her feet and weep, but it was a close thing.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>At her feet he fell, nonetheless.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See that chapter count creep up? (chuckles) I'm in danger!</p>
<p>But, yeah. Zagreus will finally realise now ;^; </p>
<p>Tune in next time for: best great-great-great-great-(...)-great-grandparent Chaos, more people meddling when Zagreus just wants to have a crisis in peace, and your prescribed dose of pining x3.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Gilded</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Zagreus has an eventful run.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I cannot thank you enough for the kind comments ;^; &lt;3 (I WILL get to them, I am just a shy little nerd, but just you wait!) They encourage me so much to keep writing on this little beast of a fic that keeps on getting a mind of his own. </p><p>For this chapter, there are some content warnings as it delves more into Patroclus' mental health, please check the end notes for them. Stay safe out there, lads and strangers. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I had hoped I’d manage to catch you before you … headed out.”</p><p>Achilles was standing in his doorframe, and as soft as his voice was, Zagreus feared the worst. As feared when Zagreus turned away from the Mirror of Darkness, he saw that  there was too much compassion in Achilles’ eyes, too much understanding.  </p><p>Zagreus could not do this. He could not have this talk. “I’m just about to, you know,” he said, jerking a thumb behind him at the general direction of the door. He hoped it would be enough to deter Achilles without having to brush him off, enough to keep running from the tangle of emotions twisting inside him after all he had learned, in that green garden on the surface.</p><p>“Could you spare just a moment more of your time?” Achilles asked, in that earnest way of his. As if Zagreus could deny him. As if he could ever. </p><p>And so Zagreus let his hand fall from the mirror, the hum of darkness receding from his veins, quieting the thrumming beneath his skin. He curled his fingers into a loose fist by his side, and took a breath. “Of course,” he sighed. </p><p>Achilles approached, lips pursed in worry as he took Zagreus in. The intensity of his gaze was enough to make Zagreus squirm – like this man who knew him so well would see everything, even the things Zagreus was running from himself, that he was not aware of because he was so very <em>good</em> at running.  </p><p>“Lad,” Achilles breathed, halting before him. And Zagreus saw the moment his eyes flashed with determination, and then in the next, Achilles had wrapped his arms around him and pulled Zagreus against his chest.</p><p>Zagreus stood frozen, blinking, too astonished to catch up to what was happening. This sudden warmth, the contact, the proximity. He had already received his message for Patroclus earlier.</p><p>“There,” Achilles breathed, close to his ear. His arms felt strong and steady around him. “I cannot imagine what it is to learn truths such as you have. Let me offer you at least a moment of respite.”</p><p>Respite.</p><p>Zagreus could not lean into this touch. It would unmake him.</p><p>He had been holding himself together this whole while, as his life rearranged itself around him. As every belief he had held, the future he had envisioned, burst into a reality as bright as it was painful. Whatever else, Zagreus could not risk losing his perilous grip on himself now. </p><p>Finding his mother should have been a joy untainted by anything. But Zagreus found he would never be with her - feeling the breeze on his face and enjoying her company with all the leisure the world could afford them. Instead, he had desperately clutched at her, dying as he struggled to get one more word in, one more breath, one more <em>second</em>, the horror on her face the last thing he saw.</p><p>And still, Father would not let him go. Stood in his way. Forced him to fight and fight and fight, and Zagreus <em>would, </em>endlessly, tirelessly, for her. But -</p><p>“It’s alright, lad,” Achilles assured him, palm settling between Zagreus’ shoulder blades. Only the touch made him realise how tense and stiff they were. </p><p>“I can’t,” Zagreus choked out, control slipping. Achilles smelled of green things indeed, and his touch was cool to Zagreus’ skin, but such warmth was woven into this gesture – this embrace that sought nothing but to comfort him. </p><p>“Yes, you can,” Achilles said, firmly. “Have you forgotten I know you, Zagreus? Even if you fell apart in front of my very eyes -” And how easily Achilles had seen right through  him, and Zagreus’ losing struggle, “I know with everything I am that you will rise from it, as you have, over and over.” He gave him a soft squeeze, leaning his cheek against Zagreus’ hair. “That is the man I know.”</p><p>Zagreus slumped into him.</p><p>There was no grace to it, nor hesitation. His whole body curled into the embrace as if he yearned to hide in Achilles, and Zagreus wrapped his arms around him with such force his joints ached. Achilles gave a little grunt, but no reprimand. Instead he buried his nose in Zagreus’ hair and he did not comment as Zagreus’ shoulders shook, as he stood there and wept quietly into the tunic of his mentor, falling to pieces over the truth of his life. </p><p>Over everything that had changed, and everything that had not. </p><p>Achilles did not urge him to sit down - knowing full well Zagreus was more comfortable standing, he held him where they stood. Did not hush Zagreus, or offer any kind of empty reassurances. He was simply there, steadfast and gentle, his hand rubbing circles into Zagreus’ tight muscles and soothing them along with his mind. </p><p>By the time Zagreus fell quiet, he was unbearably tired. His eyes burned as if he had looked straight into a Brimstone beam and his head felt like it had been cracked into a wall by Asterius, but there was also a <em>lightness </em>to it all. He felt better. </p><p>“I want to see her again,” he said, with all the conviction in his heart. </p><p>“And you will,” Achilles said, pulling back to hold his gaze, hands settling on Zagreus’ shoulders to squeeze them. “As many times as it  takes. The skills I’ve taught you, lad, they can only get you this far. But since you began, you outgrew all I could have bestowed upon you. You became a warrior in your own right, and your perseverance will see you through.”</p><p>“Usually people like to call it stubbornness,” Zagreus said, chuckling weakly. He was dimly aware how thin Achilles’ tunic was - he could feel a scar beneath the cloth, pressed against his cheek like a secret that wasn’t his to know. </p><p>“That, too,” Achilles said fondly. “We all have your flaws and our strengths, and sometimes they are one and the same. I must admit, lad … I always wanted you to be able to leave. I supported you and wished it for you. But selfishly … at least know that I am glad that I will keep seeing you.”</p><p>Zagreus’ held his breath, not daring to speak. His heart beat and beat and beat in his chest. </p><p>“I, too, am glad,” he admitted. </p><p>Because that was the strange truth of it: his mother had been torn from him, yes, but she was <em>out there. </em>He could not remain with her, but he would see her again, as many times as it took, until his very existence was purged from the universe he would fight his way to her. </p><p>And until now … seeing his mother had always entailed giving up everything he had. The house and all the renovation touches that filled him with such pure and simple joy each time he saw them, and every time he gave the Contractor a new task. The head chef’s flustered expressions when Zagreus greeted him. </p><p>Everyone he loved, from Hypnos’ terrible advice to Cerberus’ right head deciding it was time to greet him with a massive tongue to his face and effectively drenching him. Finding Meg in the lounge and attempting yet another time to bribe her with contraband as she acted tougher than she felt towards him. Dusa’s hummed melodies, Nyx’s unconditional love for the son she had sheltered and loved as her own. Than, and his hilariously transparent attempts at pretending he had not taken King Theseus clean out for Zagreus more often than he could count. </p><p>He loved them all, so dearly, down to the man who was holding him right now. </p><p>He would not have to lose them, for good: he could not even if he tried. It was such a relief. And in it, tangled up and dark and twisted, was the fear of what it meant for his … <em>situation. </em>Specifically with Achilles, and with Patroclus. “That means I can - keep taking messages,” he said, because he had always looked at the most dangerous thing and charged head-on. “Uhm, and this one is an extra, I guess -”</p><p>Achilles shook his head, voice definite and leaving no room for discussion. “This was for you, Zagreus. Not everything between us involves him as well.”</p><p>And Zagreus hated himself for the pleasant sting of joy that gave him. Hated the part of him that revelled in having just a small part of Achilles’ heart all to himself. </p><p>
  <em>I have to deal with this. End this, before –  </em>
</p><p>But in the end, what did it matter how he felt? As long as he did not come between their love, it did not matter how his heart ached and longed. </p><p>And long as these two men he so adored still benefited from the messages he could carry between them, he would not flinch back.</p><p>---</p><p>“You have recently found yourself embroiled with two mortals long past their former glory, yet they have enraptured you utterly. I can feel treacherous Aphrodite closing in with hunger. Will you continue to pursue these affections? Respond.”</p><p>There was something about the literal embodiment of the beginning of the world – Chaos itself – an entity older than Zagreus could conceive, getting wind of his predicament and not only commenting on it, but asking him to talk about his feelings. </p><p>“There is a slight mix-up, I am afraid, as there is no pursuing involved, Master Chaos. Only a messenger doing his best to close the distance between two long-parted souls.” He scratched the back of his neck. No use in talking around it. “It is true, though, that what is in my heart .... probably appeals to Lady Aphrodite. I do not intend to act in such a way that would interrupt the love between these two, though, for what it is worth.”</p><p>A moment of silence, and then: “I see.” Did Chaos sound - disappointed? “Bonds so often are poured into a mould not fit to hold the chaos of their weight. Arbitrary numbers. You are, improbably, in my regard. I would be disappointed were you to succumb to order where none is required.”</p><p>Zagreus turned the words over in his mind again in case he got their meaning wrong the first time, but no. Chaos was … encouraging him? Well, no wonder. There truly was no greater chaos than thrusting a messy heart between strained bonds, was there? He wondered if Chaos’ blessing was like their boons: a curse at first, that would take and eat from him, until its effect settled into benefit, propelling him onward. </p><p>“I … see. I shall bear that in mind. You have long taught me the importance of shaking up what order is required to find something greater. Thank you, Master Chaos.”</p><p>“No expression of gratitude is required, though I acknowledge it regardless. Now … take your pickings from what I offer you today.” </p><p>Even as dying foes lobbed explosives at him, Zagreus could not stop thinking of having Chaos’ blessing for whatever it was that he felt. </p><p>It was the first time anyone or anything had told him it was not wrong, but maybe just … different. <em>Arbitrary numbers.</em></p><p>He felt the heat of an explosive graze him as he barely dodged, exhaling as the room at last stayed clear. <em>Maybe </em>he should focus more on the task at hand. But his mind just kept snagging and coming back to the words. Chaos had seen every second of creation, even since before gods and humans began. Certainly they were <em>Chaos</em>, but still. Still. </p><p>And there, in the middle of the room, Aphrodite made herself known. Zagreus felt a twinge of unease.  Usually grateful to see her and feel her heart-breaking power infusing him, he found that right now Chaos’ words had left him raw, and Aphrodite being as vicious as she was lovely …</p><p>Well, Zagreus did not feel particularly enthused about approaching someone who would peel away his layers with delight, to reach the juicy and squishy bits within.</p><p>He walked up to the glowing sphere promising her boons, and steeled his shoulders. “Olympus, I accept this message.”</p><p>“Why, my little godling, you are simply drenched in the touch of fiery love!” Zagreus buried his face in his hands, grateful he went unobserved as his cheeks reddened. Damn blood. “Three destinies clashing? Why, cities have burned and good men have died for much less than what I sense from you! In fact, they both have been part of <em>exactly</em> - ah, no need to recount! I am still saddened by the whole thing, you know, but then what is love if not tragedy and heartbreak, to sweeten remind you of its worth?”</p><p><em>Cities have burned and good men have died for much less</em>, echoed in his mind as her power infused Aegis. Chaos’ knowing laughter rang from it like discordant bells, and Zagreus tried to balance it: Aphrodite’s hunger for – tragedy, or joy? Who could say? And Chaos’ encouragement, which in all honesty could end in either. </p><p>Life was … not easy, when those invested in your love life were immortal entities who might as well watch you burn and be reformed in the flames as watch you thrive. </p><p>---</p><p>Zagreus glimpsed up at the door. Glimpsed down at the Shield of Chaos. Really a supporter there, then. And with a sigh, he lifted his hand. </p><p>The room was quiet, which it occasionally was, but something about it felt … off today. When he turned the corner … Patroclus’ usual seat was empty. “Sir?” he called, feeling dread wrap cold fingers around his heart, and squeeze. “Don’t make me wait too long, lest glorious stories of my battles come to my mind!”</p><p>Nothing. </p><p>Zagreus gave in to a moment of panic, dashing to where Patroclus usually sat, and from there he saw it.</p><p>A crumpled figure at the Lethe, down by its waters, half-submerged. </p><p>“No.” He had barely gasped the word when halting from his dash splashed the waters every which way as he came to a stop and bent down, gripping Patroclus’ unmoving body. “No, please –“ he muttered, as he pulled him out of the waters that Zagreus had overheard Patroclus musing about, considering drowning his miseries in, letting go of it all - “No, no, Patroclus -” </p><p>He pulled him onto the grass. On some level Zagreus knew Patroclus was a shade, that whatever the river had done upon him should not incapacitate him for good, should not kill him in the way a soul could disappear – but his heart hammered a terrified beat into his chest, merciless.</p><p>“Please,” he begged, touching Patroclus’ shoulder. The muscles tensed beneath his hand, and the relief that hit him was crushing. “Patroclus,” he breathed, as Zagreus watched the man’s struggle to open his eyes.  </p><p>The fear of them looking at Zagreus unseeing, unknowing, was bottomless and horrifying. “Sir,” he began, brushing damp locks from his face and praying the touch was the comfort of a friend,  not invasion by a stranger. He put his hand to Patroclus’ cheek with all the hope in his heart. “Sir, it’s me, it’s -”</p><p>“Zagreus,” Patroclus breathed, eyes opening at last, while obviously struggling to focus on him. </p><p>The relief Zagreus felt brought tears to his eyes. “You remember me.”</p><p>“Of course I do.” Patroclus closed his eyes, brows furrowing. He looked pained, now that he was becoming fully aware of himself again. “I was never strong enough to lighten my own heart, no matter the cost of holding on.”</p><p>“You were in the river.” Zagreus had not meant for it to come out an accusation, but it certainly did. Fear still churned in the pit of his stomach, sour and acid. </p><p>Patroclus’ jaw moved beneath Zagreus’ palm, as he spoke words that were terrible in how casually they were presented. “<em>By </em>the river. Mostly. Just thinking a little.” Patroclus lifted a hand as if to cover Zagreus’ own on his, but before they touched, jerked away and forced his hand down by his side. Taking a hint, Zagreus stopped fondling his face, feeling self-conscious as he folded his hands in his lap instead. Just sitting there, utterly lost. Patroclus sighed. “I didn’t expect you to even – well, in the end, I simply fell asleep. I apologise for worrying you.”</p><p><em>Didn’t expect you to even – </em>what? “What do you mean by – Patroclus, you almost -”</p><p>“As I said.” Patroclus glimpsed at him, looking endlessly tired. “There is no need for worry. I have never been good at actually pulling through with it. I’m better at holding on and torturing myself.”</p><p>“You can’t!” Zagreus snapped, not even sure what he was telling Patroclus he could not do. If he was outraged and afraid on behalf of Achilles and the memories his mentor would never let go of – or if this was all Zagreus’ own, selfish fear. Before Patroclus had said his name, Zagreus had been so – utterly terrified -  </p><p>“What does it matter to you?” Patroclus asked, setting his jaw as he forced himself up into sitting.</p><p>He looked rumpled, tired, like the years had worn on him too much. While those around him celebrated their splendour he sat here, with only himself for company, day after day. The sight of him, slumped and defeated, was as heart-breaking as it was angering. Because after everything Zagreus had done by now - “How can you possibly ask me that?”</p><p>Patroclus only scoffed. “I do not know why you are back, but you will only leave again, and sooner than later for good. Just like him, you will leave me to rot here, so go now and be done with it -”</p><p>“I won’t!” Zagreus’ found his voice rising. “I died! I died at her feet! I can’t survive up there! I can never be with her for good, I am just as stuck here as you are, and I am never giving up, so you will see me over and over and over until you’re sick of me!” He had not meant to yell about how he died up on the surface, or any of that. His hands were shaking even clenched into loose fists, and so he held tighter, blinking the burn in his eyes away.</p><p>All this time he had heard Patroclus’ words, muttered to himself, filled with such darkness and sorrow. But here it was, out in the open, shaped into blades all turned against Patroclus’ himself.</p><p>“I cannot tell you more than I already have of Achilles - it is his place to do so, and I am doing all I can to find a way, but I - I can speak for myself. And I have never once stopped fighting, so I will never leave you behind. So you cannot drink of that water!”</p><p>Zagreus lowered his head, unable to look at Patroclus. Zagreus had no right to demand such a thing of him - even if they were friends to some degree, Zagreus had not the importance to … to say all this. And yet, the words had spilled from him faster than he could stop them.</p><p>“Please, Patroclus,” he added, feeble. “Don’t leave – us.”</p><p>“Zagreus,” Patroclus whispered, voice cracking open. Suddenly, the cold detachment was gone, and revealed him affected, uncertain. Zagreus could hear him swallow, but he kept his eyes on the grass of Elysium, the water already drying from his hot skin.</p><p>There was a long pause which Zagreus maybe should have broken, but he had already said too many words and did not know how to fix this with more of them. </p><p>“I apologise,” Patroclus said with great care, words slow as if he were still grasping them in his mind as he spoke them. “I was not - thinking clearly …”</p><p>“That much was obvious,” Zagreus bit out, and was instantly startled at how bitter and accusing it had come out. He rubbed at his eyes, and finally lifted his head, to be honest and open in turn. “Forgive me. It is my fear speaking, not myself, and I have no right to treat you as such when you feel lost already.”</p><p>Patroclus looked more tired than anyone residing in Elysium should. He looked too tired even for a shade. All this time Zagreus had been so taken in by his beauty, his radiance, his wit. On some level he had known what darkness slumbered beneath, eating the man up from the inside, and yet. </p><p>“I have no right of it, but Zagreus, may I …” Patroclus trailed off, leaving Zagreus confused as to what he was asking. Still, the answer was simple. </p><p>“You can just about have everything you want from me,” he said, not watching himself. </p><p>Patroclus closed his eyes and inhaled. Exhaled. “Don’t make promises you do not intend to keep,” he said, and then stretched out his hands. “May I?” he asked again, voice softer. </p><p>Zagreus reluctantly offered  his own hand, not certain if that was what Patroclus was asking for, but satisfied when he did in fact grasp Zagreus’ palm.</p><p>To Zagreus’ astonishment, Patroclus lifted it back to his face, leaning his cheek into Zagreus’ open palm. Turned his face into it, and let the  brush of air shivering along Zagreus’ skin as he sighed.  Slowly, the tension bled from his body as he kept his cheek right there, beneath Zagreus’ fingers, and seemed not intent to move. </p><p>“Sir?” Zagreus asked, choked up. </p><p>“Your hands are very warm,” Patroclus breathed, eyes closed, expression still tense, but less agonised than it had been. “They feel … real.”</p><p> “Oh,” Zagreus said, more breath than sound. “Then … they are all yours.” </p><p>Patroclus chuckled at that, the sound weak but beautiful. How Zagreus wanted to wrap him in his arms and sit until Patroclus felt lighter, until his pains ebbed away. He wished to defang the memories that bled him, so Patroclus could keep them in peace and hold onto them. </p><p>“Forgive me,” Patroclus said, at last. As if the small contact had given him the strength to speak his mind, and weaken the hold of the teeth tearing him up from the inside. “I - sometimes - things become so endlessly dark. In my mind. And I am helpless to it. I cannot free myself from the demons, and then I – barely recognise myself.” He looked at Zagreus, searching. “I said things I should not have. I - am sorry that you cannot be with your mother. I would have truly wished - I do not think that you -”</p><p>“No, you are right,” Zagreus said, aching as he realised that the blame laid at his feet should not be lifted in its entirety. “I was ready to leave everything and everyone behind. Sometimes, without … without so much as a word.” Than’s expression when he had caught up with him, it still haunted Zagreus. “Just because I was too weak to say goodbye doesn’t make it less of a foolish and selfish thing to do. And I charged ahead, forging new bonds that are important to me all the while making it clear I did not intend to stay.”</p><p>“To be fair, if I were a smarter man, I would have never let you in quite as I have,” Patroclus muttered, which made Zagreus quirk a weak little smile. </p><p>“I am grateful you are not a smarter man. It would have cost me dearly, if you were.” Carefully, Zagreus ran his thumb along the bruising beneath Patroclus’ eyes - his skin there darker, showing his fatigue now that Zagreus knew to look for it. “Some words spoken while you were in agony do not change how you have supported me all this time, every step of the way, even knowing it would carry me from you. So there is no need to apologise.” </p><p>Patroclus simply closed his eyes again, not hiding his misery, his pain. </p><p>There was its own kind of beauty in it - in being allowed to witness, and comfort, vulnerability. “And thank you … for sharing with me. This, this darkness in your mind …”</p><p>“I have learned to live with it,” Patroclus explained quietly. “I would not go as far as to say made my peace with it, but I have accepted it as a part of my … afterlife. It has never pushed me to pull through with anything drastic, but it … pushes me to an edge.” Patroclus sighed, bone-deep and weary. Quietly, he said: “And then it makes me want to fall.”</p><p>Zagreus reached for Patroclus’ hand resting in the grass without thought, cradling it in his free one, holding on. </p><p>Patroclus’ reaction was immediate. Like breathing he turned his hand into Zagreus’, lacing their fingers, all the while keeping his cheek still leaned into Zagreus’ other palm. “They really are warm,” he sighed.</p><p>Zagreus was really overwhelmed, so he did what he usually did then, and ran his mouth. “Just wait until you’ve touched my feet.” </p><p>Patroclus snorted at that, a sound so loud and startled it surprised them both. “Oh, stranger, I don’t think that is quite my taste.” He met Zagreus’ eyes, the hint of a smile on his lips the reason Zagreus could not regret derailing the discussion with a stupid joke. “I do not know how you manage to bring me back to myself each time we meet.”</p><p>Zagreus’ mouth ran dry. That … “Neither do I know how I have this honour, but know if there is anything I can do, to help even a touch with what you are going through …”</p><p>“You do more than you think.” Patroclus sighed, shuffling just a little closer. Zagreus wished he could pull him in, put an arm around him and allow the taller man to fold around him, shelter in his embrace. He wished his arms were a place Patroclus would feel comfort.</p><p>“I cannot imagine the strength it takes, to find yourself …” Zagreus borrowed the words Patroclus had used. “At an edge, and step away from it even as the darkness screams for you to let go. I am grateful that you have found that strength all this time, over and over, despite everything.”</p><p>“I do not feel like I am particularly strong all things considered. But it is sweet, that you would think so.” Patroclus snorted. “Besides, if this curse wishes to pull me under, to drink of the water and forget myself, well. It should stop being a coward trying to get me to do it, and pull through itself.” </p><p>Startled, Zagreus laughed, and immediately felt guilty for it. “Sorry,” he gasped. “Sorry, that was just -”</p><p>“No,” Patroclus replied, doing a bad show of hiding he was feeling at least a little smug. “That was intended to make you laugh. Another gilded thing, to keep.”</p><p>Zagreus tilted his head, the way Patroclus gave ‘ gilded thing’ weight making it sound more than meaningful. He dared not prod, but Patroclus saw his question on his face, and considered a moment, before he softened. “Gilded things, you know. The glow that lights the dark. Something to hold onto when all closes in, something to keep struggling for.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>And had he - had he called the sound of Zagreus’ laughter that?</p><p>
  <em>I must have misunderstood. I cannot be getting ahead of myself. </em>
</p><p>“I have them only of the time before - that brief, golden time with him …” Patroclus trailed off, and seemed to shake off melancholy and longing like clinging drops of water. “But each time you drop by, there is a little something else to hold on for.” Patroclus met his gaze then, studying him. “Listen to me! And still you have not run from a dead man’s pathetic sadness, and the things he does to -”</p><p>He cut off when Zagreus knocked into him with force, wrapping his arms around him. Much like Achilles had before – was that why he had reached out seeing Zagreus? He understood  now.</p><p>“Do not speak like that about yourself, I beg of you.” Zagreus had raised himself on his knees, and sitting like this, was taller than Patroclus and could bury his nose in his hair. Maybe it was that which made the words steal from his mouth. “I am fire and I am darkness and a touch green, but I will be gold, if you need me to be. I pray I can be.”</p><p>“My foolish stranger,” Patroclus sighed, leaning into him, his body soft and relaxed now. “One day you might run from all this, and I wouldn’t blame you for it.”</p><p>“No, I think I am done running away,” Zagreus said, realising the truth of his words as he spoke them. “The only way I am running now is towards the things I want.”</p><p>“I see,” Patroclus said softly, and then: “As rough a state as you are in, I reckon you could use a little help, running towards your mother, then.”</p><p>It was a dismissal, but a gentle one. Zagreus could understand the need for Patroclus to put himself together, to sort his thoughts. “I’d be grateful for that, sir.” </p><p>He wished he could stay. But as he had promised -  he would be back. </p><p>Until the day Patroclus asked him not to be, Zagreus would find him, again and again, for all eternity.</p><p>---</p><p>The axe came down and Zagreus felt his body submerge in the Styx and defy its pull in the same breath, returning worse for wear and as unfocused as he had been. His arms were supposed to lift the shield and fight, but all he wished was to still be holding Patroclus. His mind was a whirlwind of memory and spoken words, of Chaos and Aphrodite and Patroclus, Patroclus, Patroclus.</p><p>And in midst it all, one thought, clear as a bell: <em>I have to tell Achilles. </em></p><p>So when Zagreus looked up and watched Asterius charge, he thought only of returning home. Even though it would mean wasting Patroclus’ Kiss of Styx. Even if he had promised to seek his mother. He was broken and bloodied and he needed a moment to grapple with himself, with all of this, instead of dashing away from it. </p><p>He was done running. But maybe, a small break to recover would carry him a farther distance than strongarming his way through.  </p><p>So he stayed rooted to the spot, raised his chin and closed his eyes at the axe crashing down on him for the last time. </p><p>It split the wall next to his head. Asterius’ snorted, stirring Zagreus’ hair with the might of it. “Short one,” he said. “I seek to battle, not butcher you.”</p><p>Zagreus opened his eyes slowly, tilting his head to meet Asterius eye to eye as he stood across him. “Forgive me - I am … distracted, today.”</p><p>“I could tell.” Asterius drew his axe from where it had been wedged into the wall without effort, sending stone crumbling. “What is it that holds your attention so, that you cannot dodge the simplest swipe of attack from me?”</p><p>Zagreus considered him, and all he knew of Asterius. And a part of him decided he was trustworthy enough to deserve the very distilled truth of it. “A friend of mine - he was - not doing well.” Zagreus leaned his head back against  the wall, closing his eyes. “I need - a friend of his to know. I need to talk to him, so we can help … our friend.”</p><p>Asterius snorted again, and remained silent in contemplation. Then, slowly, he began to strap his axe to his back. “I know something about the unique struggle of … having a <em>friend</em>.” </p><p>Zagreus opened his eyes at the implications of that word, and suddenly, countless interactions rearranged themselves inside his head. <em>Wait a moment …</em> </p><p>Not even being caught out in his own coy way of putting things could distract him from this. Zagreus could not tell what was more incredible, the fact that Asterius actually might love Theseus and his big mouth – or that he truly thought himself doomed to his love never to be requited. Ridiculous.</p><p>A friend, right. </p><p>“That -” Zagreus began, grasping for words that were not, <em>Are you kidding me? He loves you!</em> </p><p>But Asterius cut him off. “Go on, then. It will not be me vanquishing you today.”</p><p>“I beg your pardon?”</p><p>“I said I am not here to  butcher you, and besides, the state you are in? You will not even make it to the arena. So go on, Short One. Do not think you shall find such mercy next time.” Asterius walked briskly to the exit, but he turned his head before he left. Tilted it in farewell. “Best of luck with your … friends.”</p><p>And he was gone.</p><p>---</p><p>Zagreus trailed blood all over the hall floors, not bothering to let it slide off him as he dashed past a startled Hypnos into the south corridor, gutted with relief when he saw Achilles’ fair head there, guarding his post with his usual diligence.</p><p>The killing blow had come fast, a spear between his shoulder blades, and here Zagreus was now, not  a moment to lose. </p><p>In a heartbeat, Zagreus was before him, and Achilles’ pleased smile and greeting bubbling up on those lips froze when Zagreus interrupted: “We have to fix this.”</p><p>Achilles blinked, taken aback. He shifted, clutching his spear tighter. “I -”</p><p>“You cannot give up,” Zagreus insisted, unable to reel in his intensity. “You cannot surrender. You cannot even think of leaving him on his own, forevermore, as if that’d make him happy. Because he is not. We can’t let this go on, or we will lose him. He is strong, but no man can withstand eternity. We have to make this right. For him.”</p><p>Achilles wets his lips, taken aback, but clearly stirred by it. “Lad, that -”</p><p>“Tell me, Achilles.” All Zagreus could think of was how badly Patroclus had needed to be held, for once. He thought of gilded things the afterlife had never granted, until a fumbling God stumbled in as the next best thing Patroclus had to hold on to. “Tell me you will do anything for him.”</p><p>“Of course I would! I have - I -” Achilles’ gaze shuttered, forlorn, lost. “That is why I did what I -”</p><p>“No,” Zagreus said, sharply. He knew the story. He knew how Achilles held back, kept himself away in penance masked as the only right thing to do. “What’s done is done, but you cannot think this distance is anything less than a curse slowly strangling the both of you to death like the world’s slowest Wringer!”</p><p>Achilles blinked at him, as if seeking guidance. And wasn’t that strange, to have their roles reversed, all of a sudden? Zagreus wanted to be the calm and tranquillity Achilles had been to him so often.</p><p>“I will find a way. I will find an in, a way out for you, a way for you two to be reunited. I vow it. But you have to promise me you won’t give up. You have to hold on. For him.”</p><p>“For him,” Achilles repeated, with growing conviction. </p><p>Zagreus thought of the horror of Patroclus’ slumped figure at the river, and nodded with feeling. “He needs you, Achilles, he does. Do not doubt that.” <em>Don’t you dare.</em> </p><p>It was new, this fierce protectiveness. As if Zagreus had any right. But  the horror still gripped his heart, and all he wished was to find his way back to Patroclus and sit with him no matter how restless his feet were. </p><p>“And here,” he added, because Achilles remained quiet. He pulled him into the same hug Patroclus and him had found themselves in, in the end – or what he could make of it, standing up. There had not been an official message, not one initiated by Patroclus anyways. <em>My hands, being held, </em>Zagreus thought, and found himself unable to share that particular intimacy.</p><p>Was it wrong, for only this one touch, to remain close to his heart, and his own entirely?</p><p>Even though it was beautiful in itself, to be this close to Achilles - a comfort, a blessing. Even though Zagreus wanted to heap the same sort of affection upon him. How strange Zagreus’ heart was. No wonder Aphrodite had taken an interest. </p><p>At last, he gave Achilles a gentle peck on the lips, like Patroclus had done to grant him vitality on his way. “I would do anything for the two of you, you know,” Zagreus whispered, like a secret, in the space between their lips. </p><p>“I know, lad,” Achilles breathed, eyes closing as he leaned forward, and rested his forehead on Zagreus’ shoulder. “It scares me sometimes, knowing just how far you would go for us.”</p><p>Zagreus frowned, and rested his hand on Achilles’ beautiful hair. The joy of comforting him meant the world to him – to mirror the kindness Achilles had shown him just today. But still, those words. “There is no need for fear.”</p><p>“Fear is for the weak,” Achilles echoed, and quietly, they stood, and for a while, uncaring of the eyes on them. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Content warnings: discussion of depression, suicidal thoughts (insofar as you can have them in the underworld, but imo everything about it was extremely close to that vein for me)</p><p>(Chaos voice) Hotter tea has been spilled, Zagreus. [This is the alternate title for the fic.]</p><p>Tune in next time for Achilles getting more creative in the messages he sends, and the stray Theseus/Asterius subplot that robbed me in an alley insisting it is here to stay.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This fic made me try to google if you truly have to ingest the waters of Lethe to forget to figure out if Zag could wash up (Aphrodite came through as I found no conclusive answer). It also made me google a shitton of other idiotic things and hyperzoom in on Achilles' eyes, leading to the ultra cheesy sky comparison. I put all responsibility at Zagreus' burning feet, god of violently pining without realising it. </p>
<p>I have yet to reunite these fools in my own run, so this story will unfold as I go. Cheers!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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